During my childhood, I used to study hard to get good marks for my exams. I wanted my Dad to feel proud of me and love me more because of my achievements. Whenever I would score good marks, get prize in competitions, draw a picture, make a good craft piece, clean my house or help mom in cooking I would wait for my Dad to come home so I can show it to him. I desperately wanted him to appreciate me and feel good about everything I did. As a child, I always thought my good marks, good behavior, achievements will bring little happiness to my Dad who works hard to meet my needs.
My Dad did appreciate me but I always thought it wasn’t enough. I longed for a genuine appreciation for all my hard works. I really wanted him to be truly happy in all my success and to really feel proud of his daughter. Because all I wanted is, his words of appreciation to make me feel worthy of myself. The more he would appreciate the more I would feel self-worth and confidence. Whenever he didn’t appreciate the way I wanted, I felt the opposite.
When I was married, I took off the crown of appreciator from my Dad’s head and placed it on my husband’s head. I began to look to him for appreciation. Every single thing I did like cooking, cleaning, trying out a new dish, even folding his clothes I wanted him to appreciate me and love me for my hard work and sacrifices for family. Unfortunately my husband failed to live up to my expectations too. He did appreciate me but I always thought I deserved more of it for all I do for him. Because all I expected from him is his words of appreciation for me so I can feel worthy of myself.
I tried finding my worth in my achievements, my good deeds, my Dad’s appreciation, my husband’s pat on my shoulder and in earning ‘Good Job’ badges for everything I did. I thought my value comes from my performance and other’s opinion about it.
Once there was a time in my life, when I had no one to appreciate or encourage me on anything I did or achieve. That was the time God was teaching me to realize my worth in the most darkest and lonely moments of my life. He knew exactly what needed to be done in my case to make me depend on Him alone. In my solitude, I learned the incredible lessons of self worth which I wouldn’t trade for anything in this world.
God teaches us to understand our value in the loneliest places.
When I had no other place to look for my worth accept His Word, I found the truths about myself and who I am in Him. He is the one who determines my value and I don’t even have to earn it. My value doesn’t come from my achievements, people’s opinion about me or anything I do but my value comes from God who says I am loved, accepted, celebrated and cherished by Him.
“You were bought at the price.” 1 Corinthians 6:20
I now know that my true worth is found in Christ alone who paid the price for me.
When I found my value in Him, my God-given potentials were unlocked. No longer I had the pressure of what people think about me, my performance or my failure. But I was free to be just me, believing everything He said about me and thriving in my new identity which was secured in Him.
Thank you so much for finding me worthy of your love. Thank you for choosing me to be your daughter. Help me to remain rooted in my identity in you. Help me not to look at others for defining my worth, not to depend on my achievements or good deeds but guide me to take each steps towards the treasure you have for me. Let my true worth be always founded on your unconditional love for me. Amen!
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